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[Dec. 25th, 2009|01:15 pm]

melissacorsair

before opening christmas presents this morning, i took some time to read more of jessica valenti's book "full frontal feminism" that i bought yesterday to gain some more insight into a topic that i have become increasingly interested in this past semester. there are many important points already put forth in this book in the first 15 or so pages, but this passage regarding relationships really struck a chord with me and i felt it important enough to share.

"I think that romantic relationships or life partnerships are truly important parts of our lives - but they're not the only part. Women are being taught that all we're worth is what guys think of us. This screws up younger women particularly, because that indoctrination starts early and takes a while to get rid of (if you ever do). When you learn from an early age that the best a girl can hope for is to be desired by boys, you're going to do everything you can to make sure that you are desired. Period. So as lovely as romance can be, we have to make sure that we're not falling into the trap of making our entire life about searching for an unrealistic notion of happiness...

Even the most feminist of us can get carried away. After my long-term college relationship ended, I was eager to get into the dating world. I went on a bit of a trampage. I was doing a bunch of dating- and damn, I was crazy about it. Even though I was preparing to enter grad school and had a ton of shit on my plate, my dating life took precedence over everything. I remember spending hours analyzing emails from guys with my girlfriends. What did it mean that he said we were on an "upswing"? Why would he only call post-midnight (duh)? What, for the love of god, should i wear?! I got my work done, But I would have ditched it if "he" called. It was a sorry state of affairs. I later realized that if I'd spent half the energy on my career and school stuff as I did on my relationships, I'd probably be the fucking president right now. Or at least on my second book. Imagine if, for every panic attack over a date outfit or unreturned phone call, we instead stressed about our professional accomplishments or our personal development. Sounds silly, but it could make a huge difference. In a way, rejecting normative romantic expectations - even through simple acts like these - is revolutionary."

don't know about anyone else but that i sure as hell can relate. i'm really glad i picked up this book at a time when i am happily single but at the same time almost feel a fucked up sense of underlying anxiety that i SHOULDN'T be happy being single. that i'm just unconsciously feigning this happiness because after all, aren't dating and relationships the only thing anyone really pays attention to anyway? i can't even begin to describe how refreshing it is to read something written by a woman that actually deals with firing back against the messages women are given that we must always have our pursuits on a man, or something relationship related. look at any widely read publication written for or by women, this shit is being stuffed down our throats to the point where it's inescapable. since reaching the age where boys supposedly become the focus of every young girl's life, i have asked myself, is there anything else out there? am i destined to live life as a female going through the relationship cycle, dealing with breakups until i find i reach the almighty goal of finding "the one"? is that really all life is for a woman? well, the answer is no. there IS more out there and i hope to finally scratch the surface on what that may mean to me.

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